By Claire Hastings, Counsellor at InnerMe Counselling®
I invite you to make yourself a warm drink, get comfortable and take a few quiet moments to think about your own experience of a 'good enough' Christmas.
Here we are in December and Christmas is just around the corner. This is when we might begin to notice familiar feelings and pressures to make Christmas perfect, rising to the surface. The decorations are going up, lists are being made, and socialising, present exchanges, Christmas fairs, and parties can all add to those feelings.
Everywhere we look, there seems to be images, adverts and social media posts of perfectly decorated homes, happy families and tables overflowing with food, making it easy to believe Christmas should look a certain way: neat, harmonious, and perfect.
In reality life can be very different. It doesn’t pause for December. Whatever was going on for us throughout the previous months of the year will probably still be with us over the Christmas period. When perfection is expected by us of ourselves or by other people anything less can feel like a failure, even if the reality is far from that.
The idea of a 'good enough' Christmas offers something gentler, especially now in the middle of all the preparations and build-up. It’s an invitation to notice what’s really happening for you, to acknowledge how you’re feeling, and to ask:
What would feel more manageable, less stressful, less overwhelming, more nourishing, or gentle right now?
A few years ago, I was hosting Christmas for our family. The house had been cleaned, furniture moved around to accommodate everyone, and things tidied away into the garage to make space. Then, on Christmas Eve, the oven broke.
I can smile about it now, but in that moment, it felt much bigger than it actually was because of all the expectations I'd placed on myself.
Perhaps you know that feeling too, a sudden wave of overwhelm when something doesn’t go to plan, and the pressures we place on ourselves to make everything perfect.
It can feel heavy and exhausting, can’t it?
I remember that what helped most was 'phoning everyone up and asking them to help out. So on that on Christmas day we all still sit down together for a ‘good enough’ Christmas meal. It wasn’t what I planned or imagined but it was warm, connected, and memorable in a way perfection could never have been.
What had felt like a disaster became a shared effort and one we still talk about today.
A 'good enough' Christmas doesn’t ask you to pretend. It doesn’t require everything to be happy, tidy, or running smoothly. Instead, it invites you to notice what’s happening for you, to treat yourself with kindness, and to allow the day to be whatever it is: messy, tender, joyful, quiet, or however it unfolds.
This Christmas, you might notice where you’re carrying pressure, and gently ask yourself: Where could I let go? What could I share? What would feel enough? Some people find that a quieter celebration, fewer presents, or sharing tasks with others helps things feel lighter, you might notice what feels right for you. You might focus on just one or two meaningful traditions, letting go of the rest.
You might notice when it feels like too much, and how it feels to be gentle with yourself. It could be that you sense when things feel overwhelming, and what it feels like to offer yourself the same warmth and understanding you’d naturally offer someone you care about.
If this time of year feels overwhelming, lonely, or unmanageable, it’s important to remember that support is available.
In the UK, you can contact:
- Samaritans – 116 123 (free, 24/7)
- Childline – 0800 1111 (for under 19s)
- Mind – 0300 123 3393 (for mental health support)
- NHS 111 – for urgent support or if you feel you may be in crisis
You don’t have to carry the weight of the Christmas alone.
So, if this festive period feels a bit messy, complicated, or not quite how you imagined, you’re not doing Christmas wrong. There is no right or wrong way. You’re simply bringing how you are at this time.
I invite you to think about:
What would a good enough Christmas look like for you?
Which expectations could you gently put down to allow space for yourself?
How can you invite others to share the day with you, rather than carrying it all alone?
What small act of kindness toward yourself could make the season feel lighter?
This year, a 'good enough' Christmas might be simply what feels right for you. One that meets you where you are, not where you think you should be. Perhaps this year, Christmas can be as 'good enough' as it needs to be.
'Good enough' is a phrase inspired by attachment theory (Winnicott), meaning something doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful.
About Me
I’m Claire Hastings, a BACP-registered counsellor and founder of InnerMe Counselling®. I work online and by telephone with people across the UK and Europe, supporting those navigating the emotional challenges that can arise during life’s transitions. You can find out more about how I work at www.innerme-counselling.co.uk
Tags: Good enough Christmas l Christmas Stress l Perfectionism l Holiday pressure l Emotional Wellbeing l Self-kindness l Coping with Christmas l Expectations
© Claire Hastings T/A InnerMe Counselling®