Between Who We Were and Who We Are Becoming - On women, life stages and becoming ourselves

These are the quotes inspired me to write this about this today.

‘We don’t receive wisdom: we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no-one can take for us or spare us' 

(Marcel Proust)

‘There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy’

(Fredrich Nietzche, 1969)

‘Our personal stories separate us from everyone else yet the sharing of stories draws us closer together’

(Dr T. Evans, 2015)

I wonder as you read them, if any of them resonate with you. 

Sometimes women describe feeling as though they are ‘losing themselves’ without fully understanding why. Others speak of feeling more emotional, more anxious, more irritable or simply exhausted from the effort of continuing to carry everything whilst inwardly struggling. Perhaps what can make this even harder is how often these experiences are minimised or dismissed, both by others and by ourselves.

Nietzsche’s words about the wisdom of the body stayed with me because I wonder how often women have learned to override what their bodies are trying to communicate. Many women spend years caring for others, meeting expectations, pushing through tiredness and placing their own emotional needs somewhere near the bottom of the list. Yet eventually the body has a way of asking to be listened to.

These are not always easy questions to sit with. Sometimes they might bring grief for our younger selves, changing roles, relationships that no longer feel the same, children growing older, ageing parents, or the realisation that time itself feels different now. 

There can be sadness in acknowledging change, even when change is natural and inevitable, but there is also something deeply human in recognising ourselves in one another’s stories.

So often in counselling as I walk alongside women at different stages of life, I see the relief that can come when someone feels able to speak openly about what they are experiencing without fear of judgement or dismissal. Experiences that felt isolating can begin to feel understandable. Shame can soften when someone realises they are not failing, that they're not ‘too much’ and not alone.

Perhaps this is why shared stories matter so much. As Dr T. Evans writes, our stories make us unique, yet it is often through sharing them that we feel most connected.

Proust’s words also remind me that wisdom is rarely something we arrive at neatly or quickly. Much of what we come to understand about ourselves emerges slowly through lived experience, reflection and surviving times of change we could never fully prepare for.

Perhaps there is wisdom not only in navigating these transitions, but in learning to meet ourselves within them with greater compassion and acceptance.

We cannot always prevent change, or fully prepare for the ways it may affect us, but perhaps we can offer ourselves more kindness as we move through it.

Perhaps in sharing our stories, listening inwardly and allowing ourselves to be heard, we discover that we are far less alone than we once believed.